there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
