I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
