so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
you will always have a special place in my vag
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Randomize
