Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
