Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
