so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Randomize
