careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
