I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Randomize