Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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