My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Randomize