You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize