You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
