I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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