using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Acid is not a monday night drug
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize