dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
