At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
