i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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