Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
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