no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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