I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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