We're facebook friends in real life
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
