he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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