Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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