3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
