So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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