The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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