im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
