My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize