I should be sponsored by Trojan
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
