Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
There's always time for handjobs
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Randomize
