dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
