Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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