I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
