I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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