my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
