I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
