oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
