Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
