you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
