be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
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