My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
You brought string cheese to the strip club
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
