dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
