chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
