please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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