We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
