listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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