She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
