My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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