do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
