Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
