It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Randomize
