fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
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