i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
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