i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Randomize
