i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
