I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
