you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Randomize
