I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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