So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize
