I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
