So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Randomize
