did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Randomize
