Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
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