So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
