We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
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