let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
