I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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