someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Randomize
