still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
