Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
