I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
