I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize