New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
