def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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