That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
