omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
we're chasing vodka with high fives
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
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