im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
