You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
