its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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