she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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