If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
