I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Randomize
