The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
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