I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
