don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
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