The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
