OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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