Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
i just made my gag reflex go away.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize