haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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