I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize