my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
