dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
