I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
