You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
